The jokes
Wait, 911 is the American emergency number...
Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why do orphans love playing tennis?
Because it’s the only love they get.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
They say there is power in numbers.
Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
If a baby dies in the womb, is it considered suicide?
What’s the difference between rape and marriage?
With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Q: What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?
A: You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
Why was the bee’s hair sticky?
He used honeycomb.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!