The jokes

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

A priest walks into a bar, immediately orders the kids' menu.

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.

What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?

The prisoner is wanted!

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

When you're having a normal day at school, but then...

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."