The jokes
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
Q: Why did the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz win an award?
A: Because he was outstanding in his field.
How does the author of Harry Potter get around?
She walks, JK, Rowling!
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
Why did Zozo the hobo cross the road?
To eat the Pringles.
How do you think the unthinkable? An iceberg.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus terminal and a lobster with implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
What do you call the ghost of the Thanksgiving turkey? A Poultrygeist.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
"And the Lord said unto John, 'Come forth and receive eternal life,' but John came fifth and got a toaster."
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
What can’t a Black person say to a police officer?
"Thanks for the warning."