The jokes

Reason

I'm not saying you're stupid.

But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"

Pedophile

Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."

The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."

Dora

¡Hola, soy Dora!

Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!

Mama

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

Name

Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?

A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.

Leak

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Body

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Jeffrey Dahmer

What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."

Diary

I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.

The last entry was about 12 years old.

Heart

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

People

Q: What did people say when Kim Kardashian was at the beach?

A: Stop littering!