The jokes

What's the difference between me and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts.

Q. What color were Mohammed Atta’s eyes?

A. Blue, one blue this way and one blue the other way.

What is the cherry's favorite cartoon?

"Tom and Jerry!"

What did the meditating egg say?

A) Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmlet!

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.

A lumberjack goes to a person's house.

Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

I told a seal a joke, it went like this: "Why did the kid cross the playground?" He said, "Why?" I said, "To get to the other slide." And then he said, "That's the sealiest thing I've ever heard!"

Why did the toad cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot!

Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool.

Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because he was a chicken!

Why didn't the chair cross the road? Because it was a chair.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims: they went through a hundred stories in 10 seconds.

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."

Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.

What is the best way to end a cookbook?

And that’s a wrap!