The jokes
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Yo mama is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, it cracked.
Yo mama is so fat, when she wore yellow, the kids thought they missed the bus.
What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common?
One of these days, we’re both gonna be hanging from the ceiling.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Your momma so ugly, when the Kool-Aid man burst in the door, he said, "Oh no!"
Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.
What do u call an Asian that was born at the wrong time?
Wrong тайминг.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What are the similarities between a blind person and an orphan?
Neither can see their parents.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
What do you call an emo friend group?
The Suicide Squad.
Why do orphans go to church?
It's the only place where they can call someone "father."
So, if Russia was the motherland and Germany was the fatherland, what does that mean?
The Western Front is domestic violence.
What is the definition of fellatio?
Auto masturbation.
What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?
"Sari."
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Why is the UK bad at chess? Because they already lost their queen.