The jokes

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

What did the egg say to the other egg?

Nothing, they can't talk.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.

You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.

And your IQ is 5.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?

'Cause he wanted higher grades.

What did the orange say to the other orange?

I orange you glad!

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?

A slow swimmer...

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?

Sharp! 🤣

He never has a bad day because he always wakes up on both sides of the bed.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Why did the actor fall through the floor?

He was just going through a stage!

I wondered as the rock in the sky got bigger and bigger, then it hit the bottom of the Earth, and... "explosion!"

He never has a bad day because he wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Why was the sea sad? Because it was blue.

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?