The jokes

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.

What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?

Christopher Reeve.

Who’s the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table?

Circumference.

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"

The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."

Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.

Teacher: Alright class, let's sing our ABC's!

The gay kid: LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ

I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What caused the Great Depression? A lack of comedians.

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?

There are twenty of them.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

My gf told me she was pregnant, so I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me why the hell I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

What happened to the guy who tried to catch fog?

He mist.

If you say the word "gullible" slowly, it will sound like you're saying "orange."

Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?

A: They already ate the bat.

A cheetah and a lion are racing.

The cheetah wins.

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"