The jokes

What is an orphan's most hated baseball team? The Padres.

The Twin Towers collapsed faster than my grandma did.

The people in 9/11 were the fastest readers. They went through 10 stories in 10 seconds.

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

Me vs. the emo kid: we go to high-five a tree. I get a high five; the emo kid is left hanging.

Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

Kids in the backseat make accidents, but accidents in the backseat make kids.

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

I am Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon.

Neil before me.

What did the duck say to the drug dealer?

Gimme some of that quack!

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

What did one toilet say to the other?

You look pretty flushed.

Orphans are the best people to bully. They have no parents.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Why are cigarettes good for the environment?

They kill people.

What is money called on the moon?

Mooney.

Here comes the airplane.

9/11 happens the next day.