The jokes
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.
Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
How to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.
Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?
They missed the homecoming games.
Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?
No, I'm blind.
Stop ruining my jokes.
Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?
It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.
Today I put the women’s rights book in the fantasy section of a library.
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Why did the orphan jump off of bridge?
So they can reunite with their dead family.
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea river.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
You're so skinny that the professor thought you were the skeleton.