The jokes

There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Apples get picked.

you look like a dumb crab. When everyone sees you, the world will end.

Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.

All of the people disliking this category are probably emo.

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

Singing in the shower is fun, until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it's a soap opera.

Why do orphans only eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What was the ONLY difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples got picked.

A collection of 911 jokes.

What kinda pizza did they order at 911?

Plane.

What was the color of 911?

Plane.

What is the fastest way to see 911?

Plane.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?

A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.