The jokes

Why is the bible like a penis You get it forced down your throat by a priest

I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.

I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."

He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"

"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."

What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?

She can't identify you.

🤔 🤔 🤔 Why did a ♿ why did a physically handicapped 👨 gay man that is a sex worker received $35.00 for a blowjob from gay men in the LGBT community? because he can suck the chrome of a tail pipe 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🌭 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

I hope you get raped by a chimp in the forest

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

So they could be wanted.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face.

What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.

When her head game is so strong, she sucks the chromosome right out of you.

A man asked for poison and another man gave it to him. The first man took a sip and said, "hmmm, this tastes like arsenic." He took a sip of another and said, "hmmm, this tastes like cyanide. A very unpleasant taste that brings back memories."

So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

One man walks up to another and says, "Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping at Main Street?" The guy says, "No." The other guy says, "Oh, he woke up."

Why can't Chinese play baseball?

Because they eat the bats.

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

British MP Sally Ann Hart has filed for divorce citing sexual unfulfillment.

Her husband couldn't fuck her the way her stupidity could.

Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."

So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"