The jokes

I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

"I met a girl and she's 28."

"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."

- AJR

The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What did one orphan say to the other orphan?

"Robin! Jump in the Batmobile."

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

How do you fuck a cow?

Find the nearest Karen.

I told my orphan girlfriend that I had to grab milk. (Goes to the store, grabs milk.) As I grab the milk, I thought, "Hey, I bet I can repeat her life twice."

What show does an orphan hate the most? Modern Family.

Why can't orphans go to Home Depot?

Because they do not have a home!

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. Why? I don't know Y.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza?

Pizza won't cut itself.

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?