The jokes
So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.
Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.
PENIS PENIS
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
What was the last thing going through the minds of the people who jumped out of the buildings during 9/11?
Their ankles.
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Memes
What's the best thing about f***ing twenty-six year olds?
There's twenty of them.
How did the hipster burn his lips?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
After the holidays, Ron asks Hermione: "How was the weather in Spain?"
Hermione: "No idea, it was so foggy I couldn't see a thing!"
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
Why don't Jedis make puns that often?
They usually have to force them. (I hate myself for that!)
If I busted an egg on your head... The yolk would be on you... hahaha...
Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?
He was snowed in.
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Why did the little kid cry? His dad forgot to pull out.
Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.
What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.