The jokes
What was the name of a Roman guide?
Guide Gius.
Bob, why are you kicking the kids?
What, it's not like they have a home to go to.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?
Memes
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
So it could get to the other side!
Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.
Kids changing the channel to Annie.
Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.
TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.
Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
What do dead people and orphans have in common? They can't see their family.
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
People with bad past end up creating the worst future...
Let's stop this, it's not funny. Oh wait, the orphans are all gone with nobody. 😂
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
I was digging in a garden once and found a chest full of gold. I wanted to show my wife, but then I thought about why I was digging in the first place.
Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?
Because every time it was sung... the line “fire away” caused massive confusion and shooting!
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.