The jokes

The best thing about an orphan? They don’t have to suffer from "your mama" jokes.

Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.

Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.

Toilet paper: Ya, right.

Why did the elephant cross the road?

To get to the peanut.

Which nut is the best at playing tag?

Catch-yous, aka cashews.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.

What did the mama nut say to her son?

“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”

What did one casket say to the other casket?

"Is that you coughin'?"

As a kid, I used to eat a sour herb from a certain spot near a rock.

Now I pee on it, just following the ritual of Africa.

Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.

Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.