The jokes
Why did the snake eat a panda?
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?
Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.
One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"
Memes
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
Why do orphans eat their cereal with water?
Their dad never came with the milk.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they ate the bat!
The towers collapsed on 9/10, not 9/11.
Why did the sick juice tree go to the hospital? Because it needed lemin-ade (not the cool type of sick, the one where you are in the hospital). Lemin-ade 1st ade.
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."
What's still together after all the sh*t they've been through? Your butt cheeks.
Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
Where do you bring a canoe that doesn’t feel good?... The boat dock.
Your hairline looks like it got burnt in the Civil War.
Did Mr. Rusher play tennis in the dark?
You will get hit by the tennis ball! Ouch, Mr. Rusher said.