The jokes

The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.

What's the difference between a goat and a sex slave?

I don't have a slave in my sex dungeon.

What makes piracy and anti-piracy so unique?

One isn't that of a thief, while the other is as serious as fuck.

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

What did the other wave say to the other wave?

"Nothing, they just waved!"

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.

Why did the Twin Towers die? Because they had too many plane pizzas.

What did the bulldozer say to the house?

"I wanna bulldoze houses!"

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

What do you get when you mix a redneck and spicy food?

The worst shits you'll ever see!

School shootings are everywhere. In ice cream shops and even the woods.

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

What's the one game emos hate?

Cut the rope.

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

Your momma so fat she can feed [the] entire continent of Africa with her fat!

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."