The jokes

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?

One goes up and one goes down.

Why was the duck arrested?

Because it was caught selling quack.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?

A KIDNey!

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They don't know where the home is.

A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?

B: Because today we had a parent meetup.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

For all the online haters on me, comment here, be honest.

What did the tiger say to the bunny?

Nice to meat you!

A bear walked into the bar and said, "Can I have a cola and a...whisky?" The bartender says, "What's with the big paws?"

My girlfriend is so fat, she looked into the mirror and said, "Woah, there are two of me!"

Why was the stadium so cold?

Because of all its fans!