The jokes
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
Okay, so turns out the toasters are not waterproof...
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He forgot his eggs.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.
Why did the chicken cross the road? He wanted to get to the other side.
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
So he could get into high school.
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: If you sing the ABCs.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNORSTUVWXYZ!
Teacher: Where’s the P?
Boy: In my pants! Lol. That’s all mates! Have a good day! (Or night)
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.