Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
What do you call a family photo taken by an orphan?
A selfie.
Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!
"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"
I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so heβs very excited.
However, heβs not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seatβs in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy whoβs sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, βNo.β
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, βHow could someone pass up a seat like this?β
The older guy replies, βItβs my wifeβs seat. Weβve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but sheβs passed away.β
βOh, how sad,β the young guy says, taken aback. βIβm sorry to hear that, but couldnβt you find a friend or relative to come with you?β
βNo,β the man replies, βTheyβre all at the funeral.β
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
Get a calculator.
Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Why are feminist rape claims never taken seriously? Nobody wants to rape fat, hairy gorillas.
I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital, immediately the maternity ward was put on lockdown.
Iβm taken, taken my own life, bitch!
Why aren't women taken seriously in the world? They are too busy whining about getting raped
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
