Stress jokes

Dating a girl and studying mathematics, both give a headache.

Why was I stress eating on the train track?

To wait to get hit.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.

So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D

Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.

This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).

How do you help a constipated person?

You scare the shit out of them!

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

What does a cat say when it's angry?

- Stop stressing meowt!

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.