My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.