Stewart jokes

When you are sitting outside at school and this boy comes up to you with a rock in his hand and says, "Do you know where Mrs. Stewart is at?"

Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.

how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?

you flip it over.

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"

His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"

Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork, but bigger ones need a crane.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."