Stand-in jokes

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"

The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."

How do you confuse a blonde?

Tell them to stand in the corner in a round room.

Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?

Because it's 90 degrees.

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? Bob.

What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod.

Two cows are standing in a field.

Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"

A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"

Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold? A: It’s always 90 degrees.

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first. "Moo!" says the second.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."