Speaking jokes
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.
What language do Asian Karen’s speak?
Demandarin.
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
Why couldn't the horse give out a speech?
Option one: Horses can't speak at all.
Option two: His voice was a little *hoarse*.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Why don't molestation victims speak up about their trauma? Because it's a touchy topic.
"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
What do you call a person that [proudly] knows only one language? A bloody seppo.
What do you call a person that speaks five languages? A Euro waiter.
What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
To whoever @heil dem anfuhrer is, I hope you know I can’t understand what you’re saying. So next time you get on an American website, please speak English, and I don’t speak whatever European language that is.😊
Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.
As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.
What language do Gays speak?
HOMOGRAPHY maybe...
What language do billboards speak?
Sign language.
Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.
Me: And I don't speak idiot language.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What are the subtitles when a disabled person speaks in a movie?
nsjajahdahwggwdgdvtwqfdvgcqgvhheydgdygsydgdfydwfwdgsqgsgyd