SOS jokes

What do you call a pointless pencil? Never mind, it’s so pointless.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Yo mama so smelly, she’s even banned from the perfume store!

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

"Don't sneeze!"

Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.

Also,

"It dangles and swung!"

Language art quizzes are the best.

Yo mama so short that when she plays mini golf, it's just called golf.

I have so many cash machine jokes.

But none of them seem to work ATM.

"Can you tie a knot?"

"I cannot."

"So you can knot?"

"No, I cannot knot."

"Not knot?"

"Who's there?"

"F... off!"

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a joke, so are you.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.

Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.

Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.

Because obviously she doesn’t listen.

Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.

Your hairline's so ugly, it turned Medusa to stone!

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"