SOS jokes

You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!

Your momma is so old, when she went to the antique store, they wouldn't let her leave.

Yo mama so fat...

She's the iceberg who sunk the Titanic!

My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in!

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Everyone, if I am not online, that is because I am on a vacation, so yeah.

Yo mama's so dumb, she thought Bruno Mars was a planet!

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

I'm so fucking bored.

Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.