Why does your grandma like gardening so much? Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt
a guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl he asked for her number and of course, she said no, he asked the bus driver for advice and he said that girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 pm and look for a statue of an angel so he dresses up as god goes to the grave and she sees him she says oh lord end my misery kill me now and he said only if you do something for me first she replied what is it oh mighty lord he said to have sex with me she agreed they had sex and when she was done sucking his dick he said I have something to tell you he took of his costume and said I'm the guy from the bus and she took off her costume I'm the bus driver. (does anyone remember this it's an old joke someone made or does no one remember this I didn't make this but it went smth like this)
your ma is so slow it took her 9 months to make a joke
Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".
(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)
my friend called me fat so i challenged a running race.
why are people in japan so slim. bcuz the last time a fatman came the lost half their population
Yo mama so fat she fell of the judgement room and broke the 7 layers of hell
Me: What has two legs and bleeds? Friend: um women? Obviously? Me: actually half a dog. So you're still right.
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR
Why was the booty so good at math?
It knew all the ANGLES
I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech so Hitler yelled WHO SNEEZED ROW 1 DID ANYONE SNEEZE they said no and Hitler shot everybody same for row 2 & 3 but in row 4 someone nervous said me I'm sorry then Hitler said bless you
My friends dad died during the 9/11 he was such a good pilot but my friend kept disturbing him so when hes dad died he said it was you who killed me(to the child).so the the child Sayed yoo-hoo?what type of name is yoo-hoo,but yoo-hoo yoo-hoo come here I need to k1ll you NOW
Why donβt rappers ever get cold?
Because they have so many FANS
Yo mama so fat. When she touched the stairs, it said to be continued!
A Son walks up to his Dad and says "I'm so gay right now! "HOW COULD YOU, I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" Screams the Dad. "No, Gay as in HAPPY" Says the confused Son,"I'm so happy right now!" "Oh" says the Dad, "Why are you happy?" Then the Son said "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off"
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!β
A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says I'll fuck you for $10. The boy says βI would but I don't have any money.β She says βOk, I'll take the duck instead.β He says ok so they go up stairs and fuck. The prostitute says βThatβs the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.β So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
Nah I'm Hawaiian but I'm also Japanese. So does that mean I bombed my own harbor?
