Why is Santa always so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live?
I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home she said yes, so I took it
Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?
I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day. Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first. Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am. Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet. Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you. Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you. Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down. Most restaurants are closed at night.. but your legs aren’t. I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out. Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight. Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately... but I hope it’s you. Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream. Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you. Do you sing in the shower? Because if so I need a private ticket of your concert. Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between. Are you a blanket? Because your on top of me every night. Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7. Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream. I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not. Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down. Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up. Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Why are obese jokes so offensive? Because fat people have enough on their plate
I got kicked out of flight school so I decided to learn from the experienced pilots (Isis)
My mom smashed my x-box so I smashed her daughter.😏
Roses are red fiolets are blue ur so flat we can play chess on ur chest
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store
Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock? So he could wake up inside
Why do emo kids cost so much? Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese
Yo mama is so stupid she thought keeping you was a good idea
Your mama so skinny that when she went to go outside, the slightest breeze flew her all the way to New Mexico
regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist
Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said "Why are there so many people under me?"
Why are Americans so bad at clash royal?
They already lost two towers
Yo mama so fat that when she get in the truck it breaks
Yo mama so fat that you need a jackstand to get her up
