When I look in your eyes I always see something my reflection š
Men and depression have something in common; theyāre always talking.
The kid that died is coped in half and you see the next trap it looks like a giant pit that upyo7 have to jump over and you clear it but you feel something on your back and you realize that there is a spike that comes you when yo7 jump over you see the other contestant jump over yiu try to warn them to not step over because the6 would get stabbed but they ignore you and then get hit by the spike the next optical is a wall the slams on a wall you wait until the wall close and you quickly run through the next person runs through and they get to live.
Sorry this is small this is also a part two
Little Johnny is walking in the hallway and goes in his brothers room and catches him watching something so he asks āwhat you watchingā his brother replies ā nothing ā and drops his phone but the he gets a text from his teacher texted him a picture of her naked saying ā after school come fuck me ā so Johnny looks and says ā ew Iām telling momā and he ran with his brothers phone and showed his mom and his mom said āok johnny Iāll take care of you brother ā and she told him to leave and he did and his brother ran in his moms room naked and his mom said āoh thatās big how about you do what your teacher told you to do to her to meā and a few hours later Johnny heard weird noises coming from the room so he walked in and saw them (his brother and mom) having sex so he closed the door and walked away
What's something an orphan likes but doesn't have it?
A family
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."
The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:
Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"
Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"
Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."
Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."
This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.
Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"
The mother hugs him affectionately and says:
"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"
A professional golfer driving his Porsche picked up an Irish girl hitchhiker. He had his golfing gear on the back seat. The Irish girl picked up something and asked, "What are these?"
"Those are tees," he said. "I rest my balls on them when I drive."
"Wow!" said the girl. "What will those car makers think of next!"
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play a alphabet game so she said what word starts with a lil johnny raised he hand fast but she know that he I would say ass so she picked on Sally and she said Apple and she said what word starts with b little johnny raised his hand as fast as he could but she knew that he would say something like bitch so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said banana so she went all the way to w Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter w she could not think of a cuss word that could start with w so she called on Little Johnny Little Johnny said wow the teacher said good job then Little Johnny said like wow too elephants fucking
My name is Gwen and I say rape jokes aren't funny. It's not funny for people to have sex with you without you agreeing also there getting old and NOT FUNNY! If anyone has something to say pls do. Comment if you agree or not. It's okay I want to hear what you say. Just tell if they are not funny. We will have a contest to see how many people comment on saying there good and funny or people saying there bad and terrible jokes and should not be made. May the best votes and comments win.
"Pretend me please stop! I don't recall posting anything except commenting and posting something for Jordan C! Please stop!"
As Iām lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This wonāt last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didnāt twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, itās her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesnāt need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliverās smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... āNever going to give you up. Never going to let you down....āš¶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! Sheās in the middle of a treatment! You know thatās the only part she knows!
D: Thatās okay. Sheāll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Donāt be so mean!
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didnāt.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didnāt screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: Thatās not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor wonāt get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it wonāt shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! Thatās not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: āNever going to give you up....š¶ā
A: Stop!
D: ā...never going let you down....š¶ā
A: Iām not going to let you...
D: āNever going to give you up...š¶ā .
Techs: Okay. Thatās it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, Iām fine.....
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. Iām just trying to look at/make jokes, and Iām getting shit from people saying, "Itās too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"
And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"
Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."
The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."
Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"
Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."
Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...
THE END
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
So I'm the Cable Guy around the neighborhood and I do everybody's table so I walked into this one house and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs I was asking where her mom was and she wasn't answering and it looked like something was wrong so I asked if anything was wrong she didn't answer so I kind of raise my voice at her but she still didn't answer and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear
Im going to do a song thats called Falling by Trevor Daniel... so here it goes
My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything Talk to me, I need to hear you need me like I need ya Fall for me, I wanna know you feel how I feel for you, love Before you, baby, I was numb, drowned out pain by pouring up Speeding fast on the run, never want to get caught up Now you the one that I'm calling Swore that I'd never fall again, don't think I'm just talking I think I might go all in, no exceptions, girl, I need ya Think I'm out of my mind, 'cause I can't get enough Only one that I give my time, 'cause I got eyes for ya Might make an exception for ya, 'cause I been feeling ya Think I might be out of my mind, I think that you're the one My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything My last made me feel like I would never try again But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt Come closer, I'll give you all my love If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything I'll never give my all again 'Cause I'm sick of falling down When I open up and give my trust They find a way to break it down Tear me up inside, and you break me down
So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying thereās a new pub in town and theyāre giving out free pints.
So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you canāt go in." The Irish man says, "Why canāt I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. Youāre going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "Iām blind; itās a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "Thatās ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"š
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
I had something about tripping over ice.
Well, it slipped my mind, so I'll just test some diamonds to see if they're ice.