What did the tower say to the other?
"Man, someone's on fire today!"
Someone Jokes
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Think of your favorite singer. Now, go ask someone what is your favorite singer. My favorite singer is Halsey, BTS. Now think about your least fave, mine is Oil London 😵. This is my home now.
1. What rhymes with "oil"? Put it in da chat. Bye weird people!
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.
Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.
No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?
Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?
Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.
Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?
Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.
Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
Tell someone to spell "Icup."
Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"
When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.
When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
Yo chin is so bumpy, someone said, "Is that Mt. Everest?"
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
