Someone jokes

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?

Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

I'm bored and I'm sure someone scrolling through here is too, so wanna chat? Pls.

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?

Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?

Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.

Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?

Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.

Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Like if you know someone is emo and comment "emo🇷🇺."

Yo chin is so bumpy, someone said, "Is that Mt. Everest?"

It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Tell someone to spell "Icup."

Answer: It will say, "I see you pee!"

If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.

When someone got the ghost in them, sound in the Priest Busters.

When something strange and it ain't no who you gonna call? Priest Busters.

I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Why do orphans love to go to church?

Because they can finally call someone "father!"

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

To have someone to call "daddy."