Someone jokes
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive” or something like goddam. Just take that shit somewhere else. Smfh.
If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
Why do orphans like going to church?
They can actually call someone "father."
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
What do orphans do after they win a game?
Nothing, they have no one to play games with.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
What do you call someone who is half a Jew?
Jew-ish.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they can call someone father!