Someone jokes

Apology

    • Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

    And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

  • 5

    • Masturbation

    • Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

    It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

  • 0

    • Cat

    • My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

    She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

    I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

  • 2

    • Orphan

    • Orphan lady: Ok kids, someone donated groceries.

    Orphans: YAY!

    5 minutes later...

    Orphans: Wait... where's the...

    Orphan lady: *tries to hold daughter*

    Person who donated: *holds milk in hand* hehe

  • 3
    • Someone memes

    Ass

    • *At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."

    Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."

  • 0

    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans want to get married so bad?

    To have someone to call "daddy."

    Mental Health

    • Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

    I said, "a smile."

    They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

    My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

    Going to school is mandatory in this country.

    Can you guess my plan?

  • 2

    • Asshole

    • Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.

  • 0

    • Orphan

    • What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?

    They cry...

    They scream... with joy.

    "Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."

    Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...

    Bitch

    • Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.

  • 2

    • Grandpa

    • At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

  • 1