Someone jokes
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
Getting murdered by someone is probably the most intimate experience I'll ever have.
What do you call someone that is Mexican that has a BMW?
A big Mexican woman.
Why do prepubescent orphan girls love pedophiles? Because they get to call someone “Daddy”.
Someone glued my deck of cards together. I don't know how to deal with it.
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
Why did the orphan go to church?
It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the coronavirus?
When someone sneezes, everyone shits their pants.
Why did the Italian American Roman Catholic priest perform fellatio on gay men at the glory hole inside the adult bookstore?
Someone asked him what would he do for a Klondike Bar?
If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."
It's sad someone has ligma.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"
What do you call someone in a wheelchair during a California fire?
A steamed vegetable.