Someone jokes
Orphans want girlfriends to call someone "Mommy."
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?
Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)
Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
Why did the orphan go to a church?
So he could call someone "father."
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?
Answer: Hot wheels...
Someone stole my balls :(
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Why do orphans like pedos? Because they have someone to call "daddy."
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"