Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
