She jokes

Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.

Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana’s head before she died?

The steering wheel.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

Your momma is so fat, she was in a movie and the screen broke!

So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

What do you call a dead hooker?

It doesn't matter, she won't answer you.

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

My sister is so short she can't walk.

What did Hermione say when she pantsed someone?

"Wow, Harry!"

Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.

Your mom is so fat, she played bowling with the planets.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dogg for a walk.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Taylor Swift.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.