Sewing jokes

What did Captain Picard say when he brought his sewing machine to the repairman? -- "Make it sew."

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

What did one needle say to the other?

"You be looking sharp!"

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?

Stole his slogan, just do it!

So Fred accidentally cut off John's ear with his spade.

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his spade and cut off John's ear.

"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it, they can sew it back on."

After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is," handing the ear to John.

"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back into the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it!"

In the morning at 6:30 AM,

Teacher: Who fought in World War I?

Me: Trump & Biden.

Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.

After school,

Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.

"She looks at her clock."

Teacher: And now I am sewed.

I need to go to the tailor, or so it seams.

The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?

Shut up and keep sewing!

Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"

Why couldn't the button get off the couch?

Because his butt weighed a ton! (butt-ton)

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

You know why I don't buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.