I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.
Science took us to the moon and Religion took us into a skyscraper
A man decides one day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet or paws. "What is the matter with you?" the man thinks aloud.
"Well, that's how I was born, I'm actually a faulty parrot," says the bird.
"Haha," the man laughs, "it seems like that parrot understands what I'm saying and even answers!"
"I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated," says the bird.
"Well, if you're so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs."
"Well," says the parrot, "it's a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers."
"Wow, you really understand everything I say, don't you?"
"Yes, yes," replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport, and philosophy, and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you."
The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. "Sorry, I cannot afford that."
"Psst," whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you."
The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says "Pssssssssssst" while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. "I do not know if I should tell you this," says the parrot, "but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What!?" says the man.
"Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth."
"And then," the man hisses, "What happened then?"
"Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere."
"My God," says the now furious man, "And what else did they do?"
"Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down."
"And then, what happened, what else did they do?" the man screams.
"No idea," says the papgaai, "I got a boner and thundered off my stick..."
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.
What’s Stephen Hawking's favorite song? Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
what where Stephen hawkings last words
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb2jGy76v0Y
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Science flew us to the moon. Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
I moved all the bibles to the fiction section because there is no god as said Stephen Hawking in 2011 but in 2018 god said there was no Stephen Hawking
Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.
Do you want a book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down!
Why did Greg go mad? Because Stephen stalked him.
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.
What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
