Really Jokes

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.

The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.

Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."

A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"

The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"

The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"

The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."

My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.

He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

I got arrested for raping a girl. Its so unfair, i really thought she was dead.

"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.