Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
Canada being the most educated country in the world is bemusing, considering that Canadians cannot spell "legalise" and "programme" correctly.
Oh, and most of them do not realise that it's day-month-year, NOT month-day-year.
My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
I saw your forehead and realized your mom and dad's foreheads were as big as yours. Also, you're gay.
My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.
I was doing a magic show. I tried to make a bunny disappear, but it didn’t work.
I walked outside in shame. I looked up and realised the towers had disappeared!!!!
I was listening to some Drake in class.
My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
Yeah man! Life is wonderful! But, when you realize all of the ones you loved were fake.
And when you die, does your online friends notice? How will they notice? Or will they ever notice? Is 13 age too young for dying? Am I just paranoid? I'm scared.
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."
He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."
Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."
