Reach jokes

A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”

Why do midgets need a lot of books at school?

So they can reach the top of the desk.

The water in the shower evaporates before it reaches you.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't reach home.

You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...

One day I visited my friend in a hospital.

I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"

Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.

Your hairline is so long it reaches your toes.

Why are short people sad?

Don't judge though, it's crap but...

Because they couldn't reach happiness.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.

Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.

Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"

A blind man is going for a walk. Eventually, he reaches a fish market.

He yells, "Hello ladies!"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Steve!"

"Steve who?"

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.