Put Jokes

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

Q: How do you blind a woman? A: You put a windshield in front of her

What do priests and McDonalds have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year old buns

What does McDonald's and Priests have in common?

They put their meat inside 10 year olds

"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."

"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows

the cradle will rock when the bough breaks

the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all

rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock

when the bough breaks the cradle will fall

and down will come baby cradle and all"

Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, THEN ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

I'M GONNA FINALLY PUT A STOP TO THE FUCKING DRAMA. I saw people bullying other people for years, Gwen was not the only one. No longer will I put up with this. No longer will newcomers. For God's sake JUST DO JOKES! PLEASE! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don’t even know each other but we're still going through this same fucking shit every fucking day! JUST MAKE JOKES PEOPLE! That is why it’s called “Worst JOKES ever” not “Bully people FOREVER” SO SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET TO JOKING! JESUS! The only reason why I came here was to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread HATE AND FOOLISHNESS FROM PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN KNOW BETTER THINGS TO DO BUT TO HATE ON STUPID STRANGERS FROM DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE FUCKING WORLD!!! “Addison, fuck off already, you're only 10 years old. What do you know?” I might be 10, but during my time here the tragedies and horror I've experienced on this website have shaped me into someone more mature, able to share this wisdom. And if you're gonna laugh at me, spit in the face of me and my generous teachings, you will fall. I swear to God, I will make you wish you could never feel pain. But that would hurt me more than you. Please. Stop the drama. That's all I ask. Together, we can make this website great again, like it once was.

Found this girl in Hawaii Put a stick up her ass and she said Ayi

How do you turn a Chinese into a American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.

What shoe told feet put me on your feet

what do you get when you put a vest on an alligator

an investigator

Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀

your hairline so far back that when i put on my glasses i thought i saw a M for Mcdonald's on your hairline

i once got in trouble in the library for putting the womens right book in the fantasy section

Ur forehead is so big that when u put glasses on top of ur head it falls off

I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

sooo... I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.