The 40+ Best Proud Jokes

I'm so proud of my Grandpa. He killed Hitler himself.

people say I should be proud of my autism but truth be told I'm only in it for the help in class

Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and i thought i should share with you!! Today i saw myself on TV when i turned it off.

"Go big or go home", that's what some people say.

"Go loud and proud", that's what other people say.

"Go out with a big, loud bang!", that's what I say.

All of the sudden if your republican your raciest and Communism is a symbol of freedom what happened to the proud men our founding fathers were damit!

Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....

Kfc proudly presents the kid fryer meal where our fillets are made out of kids.😎 1 like = more kids in our fryer

How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson's song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says “well can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied “no”. So the grandpa says “okay.” And leaves it at that and walks off. A few years later the boy asks his grandfather for some money again and his grandfather once again asks “can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says “yes it can.” To which the grandpa says “good, now go fuck yourself.”

a kid named timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike and the kid said i cant use it my butt hurts

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honoured, I'm Dad."

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure. One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four.

A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about making a horrible sound. The bartender says "Hey, looks like he can't play that!", and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"