Press

Press Jokes

Orphan

Why can't orphans use iPhones?

Because they can't press the home button.

Michael Jackson

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

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  • Orphan

    Why do orphans play GTA?

    To be wanted.

    Why do orphanages give out free phones?

    So you can press the home button.

    Mr Smith

    Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

    Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

    Badge

    I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say "press," but if you press those badges, they just fall over, all surprised.

    Computer

    I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.

    Orphan

    I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

    Baby

    If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?

    Indian

    How do you blow up an Indian? Press the red dot in the middle of their forehead!

    🤣😂😆😁

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  • Soda

    I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

    It was soda-pressing.

    Job

    Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.

    Job

    Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

    It's soda-pressing.

    Robot

    I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."

    Death

    Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.

    He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".

    Death

    Why did Stephen Hawking die? ... Because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep."

    Song

    What songs do people with no arms listen to?

    None, 'cause they can’t press play.

    Cat

    Press F to pay respects to Grumpy Cat!

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF