The 70+ Best Ready Jokes

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's so he goes home and ask his mom who's cooking "Whats the first letter of the ABC's?" he ask and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!" so then he walks to sister who's signing in the shower and asks her "Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" she responds with "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" then he walks over to his brother who's watching batman and asks "Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC's" and his brother responds with "nu nu nu nu batman" then he proceeds to walk to his dad who's watching football and ask "Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" then he walks to his grandma who's cooking buns and ask her "Whats the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's" Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says "Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?" then he proceeds to say "I'm ready to go I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principals office then she says "What's you're name son?" he responds with "Nu nu nu nu batman!" then the principal ask "How many spanken's boy?!" he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD" and after that he runs out of the principal's office well yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" ? First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander: "The canons be ready Captain!" "Are" says the Captain (correcting their grammar) "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed !!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says " Stop ye Im a magical tree you can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks then as he goes to swing the axe he says,"you may be a magical tree... But you will dialog!"

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedo have in common?

Are you ready kids?🤣

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first

Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship

Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...

so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

what does a blondie and a shotgun have in common? give them a cock and there ready to blow.

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam

Doctor: Yup

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor

Why was the astronaut 👩‍🚀 washing her hands?

She was getting ready to eat launch 🚀🥪.

When is a rapist safe around children? When his plans are oven ready

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad. We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons. But before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted,"I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD".

shame on Penaldo for ruining the event😡