Sally

Ken

Billy: I’m so use to having you in bed with me, I don’t know if I’m ready for this long distance relationship

Sally: Ohh, don’t worry brother, I’ll just be right down the hall…

Sister

Hes Here

So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” then he walks over to his brother who’s watching batman and asks “Whats the 3rd letter of the ABC’s” and his brother responds with “nu nu nu nu batman” then he proceeds to walk to his dad who’s watching football and ask “Dad whats the 4th letter of the ABC’s?” and he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD!” then he walks to his grandma who’s cooking buns and ask her “Whats the 5th letter of the ABC’s?” and she responds with “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!” then he Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day and the teacher says to her class “Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC’s” Johnny of course raises his hand and the teacher calls on him then he says “SHUT UP I’M COOKING!” then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says “Young man are you ready to go to the principals office?” then he proceeds to say “I’m ready to go I’m ready to go!” and he walks to the principals office then she says “What’s you’re name son?” he responds with “Nu nu nu nu batman!” then the principal ask “How many spanken’s boy?!” he responds with “95 HIT EM HARD” and after that he runs out of the principal’s office well yelling “MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!”

Girlfriend

instagram niko_klyo_kia

so a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him he was about to jump until he saw from a mountain side a little guy with no arms dancing around so he thought maybe my life aint so bad so he went to the mountain side thank you he said i was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until i saw you dancing even though youu have no arms dancing? the armless man said bitterly my asshole itches and i cant scratch it

Hand

Daniel King

Why was the astronaut 👩‍🚀 washing her hands?

She was getting ready to eat launch 🚀🥪.

Common

savage redneck

what does a blondie and a shotgun have in common? give them a cock and there ready to blow.

Night

Anonymous

Susie was in her mother’s room one night. As her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse, her boobs plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will i get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few year’s. Her mother told susie to find her father and say goodnight. So susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering . Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father’s dick. Shocked, susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, he said susie would get it after her mother went to bed .

Toilet

ha ha ha 123

what did the kid say to the toilet?

did you order a number two because i got one ready for you

Time

RyanRLinden

Why do Pirates say “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!” ? First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander: “The canons be ready Captain!” “Are” says the Captain (correcting their grammar) “Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!” they all exclaimed !!

Girlfriend

Anonymous

I like my dynamite like I like my woman. Hot and ready to explode.

Sadness

•~What am i?~•

One day, there are Friends having fun, hours later one of the friends Alice, wanted to leave and say cya guys am just gonna hangin in the tree and have some fresh air and they all agree hours go by and the group of friends are ready to go home but then seen a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.

Party

Richard wolf

Q: what is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn’t know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses

Girl

D.D.Diva_23

I have some words that might make sense to girls,but maybe not to boys ready? smart kind sweet caring loving mature

Milk

Anonymous

What does five dicks sticking out of the glory holes and five udders both have in common? they are ready for milking

Girl

Anonymous

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard so my mom wanted to see so I wiped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dads

Fat

Anonymous

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

  • Barry?
  • Adam?
  • Oan you believe this is happening?
  • I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

  • You got lint on your fuzz.
  • Ow! That’s me!
  • Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000.
  • Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

Orphan

Yo boi

Max heart and his gay cousin nickals amoto say i back out a fight when he said let’s fight then last minute he said he don’t want to then says i chickened out i ready to fight but his gut swolled his arms he actually looks like humpty dumpty but just wanted to say he backed out + max and nickals are both gay with each other

Man

cflh2

One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop. The man asked for some crack The woman turned around and said, 'here.' That’s where the crack was. you guessed it.

The next day she wiped it clean ready for the next guest who ‘wanted crack’ ;)

High

Plane drugs

What did one plane say to the other?

It’s been a Long day, I’m ready to crash.

Other plane: No you’re not, we haven’t even gotten high yet!

Poor

J0K35

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because these jokes are not funny

Heres why the chicken crossed the road…

The chicken was on the run from a crazy-ass butcher ready to murder the poor thing, so the chicken crossed the road.The chicken was crossing the road, then a blind kid saw the chicken, and the kid was hit by a flying rock, his vision was blurred (what vision?) and was actually cured of the blind. The chicken ran and jumped into a truck’s opening, and was never seen again… The kid got up from the ground and looked at the road, to see the chicken was not there, and said…" The chicken crossed the road…" The kid yelled at everyone about the chicken crossing the road, and got a lot of positive attention. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit was full of the chicken nonsense, and gained widespread attention from N.A to Asia in only 1 day.

The butcher was arrested for the attempted murder of a joke animal, and was sentenced to over 20 years in solitary confinement, and a few weeks later, the sentence was moved to a life sentence, and the butcher became known as The ChicKiller.

The End (hope you enjoyed, i was bored so i made this shit…)

Fire

FunnyDudeEthan

Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and your ready to fire.

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