Back
Pregnant

Pregnant jokes

Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?

Because of his short cummings.

  • 3

    • What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?

    They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”

    My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

  • 1

    • A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

    After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

    The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

    The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

    "Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

    The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

    "What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

    "I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

    "Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

    "I was on top!"

    All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

    "Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

    "I'm having puppies!"

    When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!

    I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.

    I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

    A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

    He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

    Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

    Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."

    Wife: "No, you're not."

    The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

    A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.

    Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

    Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

    Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.

    My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.