Plus jokes
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."
"Hey, Firesharky... How did you know if I was your brother when I'm not? You didn't even say my name, and plus, I'm lying about my name."
What's tree plus tree?
Sticks!
What's a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size. T - T
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
Why does five plus five equal eleven?
Because it's actually six.
We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.