Parent jokes
What do you call an orphanage?
A parent-less shelter/homeless shelter.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"
A game that all orphans hate,
"Who's your Daddy?"
Is your mom a virgin?
Mine is.
How am I alive?
You tell me.
I have an orphan joke, but it needs parental guidance.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
How do you break an orphan's wall in their room in the orphanage?
Tell them to put a tally on the wall with a pen for every second their parents are missing.
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
I called an orphan's house, saying: "Are your parents home yet?"
He started crying.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
Why can't orphans go big? When you go big, it's considered family size.
What do you call it when a cow gets disciplined by her parents?
Grounded beef.
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
Bro, I was told that "LMAO" meant launching missiles at orphanages. Well, I LMAOed. I don't think they are ever gonna see their parents again.
Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"
And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"
Why don't orphans like pizza? Because they don't have parents, that's why.
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
I watch my parents sleep with a knife in my hands. Only got caught once.