Paint jokes
What do painters and prostitutes have in common?
They're both paid for a good finish.
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
This is an inside joke for my friend Caiden...
"Hey, where’d you get that paint from?" "Ha! Paint!"
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
Two kids walked into a bar. They were covered with blood. The bartender asked what happened.
The youngest said, "Well, we were trying to paint our basement, but we threw the babies too hard!"
Wow, paint can, you have such a colorful personality!
What did the two paintings say after a long battle?
Let's call this one a draw.
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
Did you hear about the dead artist?
Too many strokes.
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
How do you paint a wall red?
You shoot a baby with a .50 cal.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
A boat carrying red paint and a boat carrying blue paint crashed into each other. The crews were marooned.
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £300 as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £300 on the bar, and says slowly, “Paint...my....house.”
How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw spoons at her.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"