How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
