Offensive jokes

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

(I'm Asian so I can say this.) If I say that we are made of money, that just means you can fit pennies through our little eye slits, and we can save them for you in there!

I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.

Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.

My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:

Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!

No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.

It's a joke, not a dick. Don't take it so hard.

Once I told an abortion joke and this woman was like, "I've had an abortion, that's offensive." And I was like, "I just tell jokes, I think what you do is much worse."

What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

When an orphan takes a photo, it’s also a family portrait!

Btw, if people find these offensive, why are you here? Why are you searching orphan jokes anyway?

If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!

Why did the little girl cry twice?

Because you wiped your shitty bloody duck on her favorite teddy bear.

Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

What do you call Yakub with no eyes?

No eyes Yakub.

How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck its dick.

What do you call a man with no legs?

Hangman.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.

So I got my brother a jumping castle for his birthday. That bitch cried in his wheelchair.